Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
