is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
