Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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