My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
