you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
