I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
