i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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