Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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