Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
