apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
