I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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