Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
