The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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