if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
