you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
