theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
