I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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