Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
