i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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