I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
