he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize