I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
