Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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