Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
