in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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