what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
