He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
