I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
