He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
