My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
