I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
