the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
