Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
