I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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