Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
