Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
