I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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