I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
