Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
