i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
