I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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