Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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