3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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