Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
