Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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