he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
