I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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