I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
