Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
