Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
soo... how was my night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
