even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
