Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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