i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize