Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You need Xanax blowdarts
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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