I have demons in me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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