She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
