There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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