I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
