How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
