he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
