thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
