I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
