I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Come on in and take your pants off
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