How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
