now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize