My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
we're so committed to being not committed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
