We're like a lot better than the average bears
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
