your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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