Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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